Bully. Verb. To seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable.

It all began with the innocent play of young children at a neighborhood birthday party. The attendees, ranging in age from 3 year old preschoolers to upper elementary ages, were all from the surrounding neighborhood, so they knew each other fairly well.

Play began joyously, innocently as the children ran into the water spouts of a large yard toy,  Given the heat of the day, it was a perfect activity!  There was no pushing, shoving, no fussing, no aggression.   Only the happy sounds of young children having a ball.

After that first halcyon half hour, water guns were added to the mix – enough for every child to have one. In short order, some of the children were ganging up on the less vociferous kids. Soon, there were tears, arguing, hurt feelings…bullying! A few of the adults opted for “letting the children figure it out.” But the teacher in me knew that approach normally does not work well. When three kids ganged up on my service dog, squirting her repeatedly in the face, my “Mother Tiger’ rage kicked in. I stated in no uncertain terms that they were out of bounds and I would not stand for it! It is NOT ok to gang up on anyone who chooses to be non aggressive! EVER.

I then proceeded to remove the water guns as they were laid down.

The aggression subsided fairly quickly after that, but the mood of the party never quite returned to where it had started. And I have rehearsed again and again what I learned as a teacher in public schools. We as a society have some how failed in how we deal with bullies. Perhaps the shocking destructive behavior of bullies surprises us so much that we freeze, saying nothing, trying to smooth things over. Perhaps our “anything goes” attitude allows for poor behavior. Or maybe, we are afraid of reprisal from those who bully us. Maybe we are afraid of the weapons! Whatever or however we respond, bully-ism is rampant in our society. From the tailgaters on the roadways to the rude customers in the airports. From those who ignore the “No Parking” signs in front of most grocery stores to those who treat waitresses and other service workers with disdain. Bullies. Are. Everywhere.

Well folks, I’m here to tell you that such behavior is NOT OK!! We are better than this! There are so many ways to take care of each other: A pan of hot muffins taken to a grieving family, a spur-of-the moment meal out with a senior citizen, taking fresh produce from your garden to a new neighbor, giving another driver space, parking in allotted spaces instead of endangering those exiting the front of the grocery store, paying it forward by taking care of another customer’s bill. If your finances are tight, a smile, or hug, or simply looking in a person’s eyes as they pass by can be a special gift, an acknowledgment of their existence! Such interactions cost virtually nothing!

I feel pretty hopeless that our violent bully lifestyle will change any time soon. Perhaps the only sure way to evoke the changes needed is to begin by educating our children.  Teach  them how to deal with bullies. Challenge them to really see others, to hear, to empathize, to be a friend. Model acceptable behavior by how you talk about your neighbors when they aren’t around. Limit the screen time, so kids have a chance to interact with others.  

Spend time with your kids. Read a book together. Play a board game. Toss a ball or a frisbee. Sit down and actually eat a meal together! Remember always that what children really crave is not digital or mechanical, even though they may be riveted by the latest game. What they really need is YOU.